Sound Off: Decorating Disagreements

Yet another reason that I j'adore Jonathan Adler -- his thoughts (as quoted in the Huffington Post, via Shine At Home) on what to do when the two halves of a couple disagree on decor:

"We have a saying in my company: The wife is always right unless the husband is gay. Questioning your husband's sexuality is a great way to get him to shut up. Assuming that this is not the case and your husband is straight (is he?), you simply have no recourse other than to eliminate him from the process. Take into account some of his functional needs, and then ignore everything else."

Umm, are you reading this, honey?

But seriously, how do you guys handle decorating disagreements with your significant other?

I feel alternately blessed and cursed that Nick actually takes an interest in these things. I love that he enjoys going shopping with me, and is often the one to rustle my ass out of bed so we can hit the monthly flea market before all the good stuff is gone. On the flipside, he'll get mad if I, say, buy six new dining room chairs or decide to change out the color scheme in the living room without consulting him first.

But here's the thing: I don't want to ask him, because I've already made up my mind and have little patience for anyone trying to talk me out of something I've decided I absolutely must have. Plus, I figure that if he despises something, I can always return or resell it. (I find, too, that men -- and kids, for that matter -- tend to hate the idea of change but then usually accept new things once they've gotten used to them. Although they're all still cursing me, three years later, for getting rid of the ginormous velvet rolled-arm sofa. Yes, it was heaven to sit in. But it was so very 1998, and the cats had ripped it to shreds.)

Does my admittedly sneaky strategy work? Sometimes. I think Nick has learned to accept my "design ADD" and just roll with it, at least most of the time. That's not to say he doesn't resent it, at least a little bit. He and the kids have a (slightly bitter) joke about me: "Mom is trying replace all the comfortable furniture with stuff that we hate. Oh, Mom ... " And our 10-year-old daughter has taken to checking the Goodwill closet on a regular basis and rescuing random household items from it. There's one vase, in particular, that I keep finding hidden in her room.

I also tend to use a trick that parents everywhere will be familiar with: Offering limited choices. I'll narrow down a paint color to maybe three very similar hues, then let Nick (and, increasingly, Laurel -- who's determined to have a say in these things) choose the one they like best. So instead of, "Do you want macaroni, spaghetti, or penne for dinner?" It's, "Which of these silvery grays do you like best for the hallway?" It's a win-win, right? Still, I think they're getting wise to me, and I'm starting to hear things like, "When did we decide it was going to be gray?" Or, "Wait -- we're painting the hallway?" Oh, bother.

Verdict: My "just forge ahead and hope that Nick and the kids will get on board at some point" M.O. has met with limited success. And, as gender stereotypical as this is, I also give him carte blanche to make decisions about household electronics, appliances, and functional systems like heating and plumbing -- as long as I either can't see them or they're not too hideous to look at. So hopefully that helps balance out my take-no-prisoners approach to decorating.

What about you? Do you and your partner see eye-to-eye on design decisions? If not, who has final say? What tricks do you use to get him or her to come around? If compromise is the name of the game, are there particular areas that you're willing to step back on and others that you get to make the call on?

Post a comment and let us all know -- I'm dying to hear.