Sound Off: What Is a "Good Host"?

My sister-in-law and her husband are coming to visit for a couple of days tomorrow, and I'm really trying not to panic about cleaning and making the house look perfect before their arrival.

Nick and I always do this: We have to scrub and organize and obsess for days before having houseguests or friends over for dinner -- not to mention feeling the need to cook something straight out of Gourmet magazine. The result is that we wind up stressed out and exhausted by the time our guests arrive, and then we're not very entertaining hosts.

Not too long ago, we realized that we were hardly ever inviting friends over because the whole thing was such a production. Then a friend (whose house, as comfortable and welcoming as it is, isn't likely to be featured in Metropolitan Home anytime soon) started having us over just for dessert, which was low-stress for her and fun for everyone.

We took a cue from her and invited her family over for Sunday breakfast -- somehow, scrambling eggs and toasting bagels seemed so much more doable than dinner for eight.

Then, newly emboldened by this idea of "casual hosting," I threw a dinner party for a bunch of girlfriends at which I served a simple salad topped with bits of cold chicken, along with some crusty bread. And I served it all on pretty melamine plates (which got lots of compliments) rather than whipping out the fancy china. Everyone seemed to appreciate the lighter fare and I was able to put together the salad earlier that afternoon and then actually relax and chat with my pals when they arrived.

Nick and I are also trying to remind ourselves that our house doesn't have to be immaculate in order for us to have people over. When we thought about it, we realized that we always feel so comfortable and relaxed at our dessert-serving friend's lived-in, sometimes messy house -- vs. sort of uncomfortable and unable to let down our hair in friends' and relatives' homes that are always spotless and perfectly styled.

Of course, changing our way of thinking about entertaining is a long process, and we're not quite there yet. But I think it's worth remembering that having a home -- even one with unhung art, a dining room full of our daughter's craft-project detritus, and a self-replenishing trail of cat litter on the floor -- that makes the people we care about feel welcomed and that's full of friends, loved ones, and laughter is so much more important than having a cold and empty showplace.

What do you think?

Post a comment and let me know -- and have a wonderful weekend!

(Photo: "Warmth," by flickr member gabo.)