Cool Stuff: Subversive Cross Stitch

Once upon a time (actually, 2003), Julie Jackson had a "mean idiot boss" who did things like tell her to make sure there was lots of film for the digital camera.

As a form of anger-management therapy, Jackson (that's her in the bunny ears and other clever disguises) started embroidering and framing vitriolic little sayings like Bite Me and Bitch -- each adorned, of course, with the traditional needlepointed hearts, bunnies, and flowers.

And then -- can you guess what happens next in this tale? -- an empire called Subversive Cross Stitch was born.

There's a book, a calendar (for 2007, alas), a notecard set, and a series of do-it-yourself cross-stitch kits so that you, too, can make your true feelings known in the sweetest, most domestic way possible.

Grandma might not approve, but I sure do. Take a look:

Chill the Fuck Out

Don't Make Me Cut You (this one's going in the hallway outside my 12-year-old's room; go ahead -- call CPS if you want to)

Whatever (his likely response)

Thanks for Sharing

Do Not Fuck With Me

Homo Sweet Homo

WTF?

Basic kits with fabric, thread, pattern, and instructions are $12 each; deluxe kits with all that plus a wooden embroidery hoop and needles are $20; rococo gold frames are $15 to $20, depending on size.

Don't see anything that quite captures your sentiments? Then simply enter a smart-ass phrase of your own choosing, and the Magic Robot Cross Stitch Generator will spit out a printable pattern, totally gratis. That's just the kind of cool chick that Jackson is.

Never done needlepoint before? She assures novices that cross stitch is easy, and thoughtfully includes an animated how-to on her website to get you started.

And then we all lived happily ever after.

The end.